i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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