dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
