i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
