I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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