i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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