Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
