I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
