...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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