i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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