So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
