I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
