My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
