Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
