For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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