theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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