Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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