it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
