You smell like stripper and shame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
