just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
