You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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