I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
