you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
