i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
PANTIES FOUND
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
