Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
