We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
