my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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