it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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