My first STD was from a foam party
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
