We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
