One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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