I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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