Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
