Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
