She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
