Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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