Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
time to smoke my breakfast
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
