Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
