Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
