weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
