im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
