So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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