i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
