I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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