the day after is always just damage control
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
