she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How does one acquire holy water?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
