thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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