I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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