you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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