I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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