There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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